Listen with dawning dread as your travel chaperone describes a recent medical emergency he had on a plane. Promise his fiancee you'll take care of him regardless. Ask the pharmacist for smelling salts (he will look at you blankly). Consider packing an IV start kit. Learn that they have them on planes. Take mastisol from the hospital. Tell him to bring Vicks. Only buy loperamide.
Pack sun screen, bug spray, citronella soap and body wash, lemon eucalyptus essence, and wrist bands infused with plant oil.
Make your travel buddy buy a liter of water at the airport. Make him also refill his other water bottle. Of course he will make friends with your pilot while waiting in line. The pilot had given his hat to his son because it's not mandatory for pilots to wear hats but his son likes it. When asked if he thinks his son will become a pilot, his answer is sad and lonely.
Remember your Priority Pass hasn't expired yet and get free hummus and an iceberg lettuce wedge salad--things you think may not get there.
Bring a book called "Erotic Stories for Punjabi Wives." Finish it on the plane. Drink wine on the plane and vomit quietly during landing. Don't make eye contact with your seat mate.
Regret standing in the correct line at immigration. Declare nothing at customs. See your driver carrying a sign with "Dr." in front of your name and feel something. Fall asleep intermittently as your drive down dark roads, speeding past semis and around late-night construction sites before pulling up to a gate where a stray dog lies outside.
Realize your forgot your phone charger at home and do anxious slept debt calculations, hoping you will wake up in time the next morning without an alarm. Watch your phone die at two o'clock in the morning. Wonder if maybe you should just buy a watch instead as you drift to sleep.
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