caelum13

I often worry that my partner will stop loving me. A

I find it easy to be affectionate with my partner. B

I fear that once someone gets to know the real me s/he won't like who I am. A

When I'm not involved in a relationship, I feel somewhat anxious and incomplete. A

I find it difficult to emotionally support my partner when s/he is feeling down. C

When my partner is away, I'm afraid that s/he might become interested in someone else. A

My independence is more important to me than my relationships. C

When I show my partner how I feel, I'm afraid s/he will not feel the same about me. A

I think about my relationships a lot. A

I find it difficult to depend on romantic partners. C

I tend to get very quickly attached to a romantic partner. A

I sometimes feel angry or annoyed with my partner without knowing why. C

I am very sensitive to my partner's moods. A

I believe most people are essentially honest and dependable. B

I prefer casual sex with uncommitted partners to intimate sex with one person. C

I'm comfortable sharing my personal thoughts and feelings with my partner. B

I worry that if my partner leaves me I might never find someone else. A

It makes me nervous when my partner gets too close. C

During a conflict, I tend to impulsively do or say things I later regret, rather than be able to reason about things. A

I miss my partner when we're apart, but then when we're together I feel the need to escape. C

When I disagree with someone, I feel comfortable expressing my opinions. B

I hate feeling that other people depend on me. C

If I notice that someone I'm interested in is checking out other people, I don't let it faze me. I might feel a pang of jealous, but it's fleeting. B

If I notice that someone I'm interested in is checking out other people, I feel relieved--it means s/he's not looking to make things exclusive. C

If someone I've been dating begins to act cold and distant, I'll worry that I've done something wrong. A

If my partner was to break up with me, I'd try my best to show her/him what s/he is missing (a little jealousy can't hurt). A

If someone I've been dating for several months tells me s/he wants to stop seeing me, I'd feel hurt at first, but I'd get over it. B

Sometimes when I get what I want in a relationship, I'm not sure what I want anymore. C

I won't have much of a problem staying in touch with my ex (strictly platonic)--after all, we have a lot in common. B

1 not true, 2 moderately true, 3 very true

A: 2+2+1+2+2+1+1+1+1+2+2=17 LOW

B: 3+2+2+1+3+3+2+3+1+2+1=23 HIGH

C: 2+2+2+2+1+1+1+2+1+2+2=18 MODERATE

A: 2+2+2+2+1+3+2+2+2+1+2=21 MODERATE

B: 2+3+1+2+2+3+1+1+2+2+1=20 MODERATE

C: 2+3+3+1+2+2+3+3+3+3+1=26 HIGH

I am an inherently anxious attachment-type, who has learned deactivating behavior from avoidant-type partners and now uses that as protest behaviors, ways to prove to myself that I am not an anxious-type, to elicit activating behavior from anxious-type partners.

Alternatively, everyone is on a spectrum, and I am relatively anxious or avoidant depending on the other person in the relationship.

My most drug-like relationships were anxious-avoidant relationships. These had cycles. These were the ones the hardest to get over. These were the ones where I felt like I was crazy.

I activate when I get jealous. I deactivate when they get jealous. I activate when I feel like I'm losing control over other aspects of my life. I deactivate in the middle of night/early morning when they are asleep, or is this activating because I want them to chase me? I deactivate when they cry. I activate after sex sometimes, but when, and deactivate to protect myself. I activate when they're around people I don't trust that they trust. I deactivate when I'm tired. I activate when I've had a bad dream. I deactivate when I'm stressed.

The only secure partner I've had is Seamus. Dan sometimes. Reassurance during activation. No ego involved. Or it's all ego? Oona and the logician.

I think I learned avoidance while I was with Nick. What would my life have been like if I'd taken that time instead to learn to be secure? No roadmaps then.

In protest, I accuse them of lying. In withdrawal, I pack my things and leave in the middle of the night.

I wish I could be like you. So thin you refract everything. Bent but never bending. You're so sure, you who haven't lived even a fraction. Do you have regrets, dear? Do you wish you had someone you could call baby? Did you cry after having sex with her? I would accept nothing less. How far you had to run from me. Is it working? I, who cannot run. I resent you for this freedom. Resentment, envy--how does one ever really get over these. I believe I moved you more than anyone else has. You, marmoreal, this means a lot to you. But this is not sufficient for me. He's not that into you. I believe, to the core of my being, that if you want to be with someone, you will do whatever in your power to do. Present trumps future, I know you believe this too.

He cuddles me out of pity, he says. He holds my gaze as he tells me he wishes he could be like you, without conscience. I look away and tell him he's better off being like himself. I hate it, our relationship feels dirty now. Everything I must look back on with some suspicion. I wish sex were abundant, but it is not my responsibility to make it so. If sex were abundant, would he still look at me that way? I don't think so.

People seem to think I'm good at sex. You know this is a lie. I'm lazy in bed, pleasure coming too easily for me. I don't have to work at it.

Is the Hawthorne effect the same as my Little Green Alien theory?